Take my hand

I was so stupid to not go with my gut and instinct. For not seeing the signs and surpassing it all. For thinking that a guy like you could ever exist and love me in return. For giving you the benefit of the doubt while you took me forgranted and for not seeing past your lies and promises.

I feel like a fool. Like I was the joke and everyone else is just laughing at me.

I feel pathetic for wanting nothing more in the world but to have you back with me, when reality was you wanted someone else this whole time.

I wonder why I always get screwed over, why I always end up getting hurt in the end in every relationship I’ve been in. Why I can’t ever be good enough for anyone, especially you. I wonder what I’m doing wrong and what I need to change in order for someone to stay and love me unconditionally. I wonder if ill ever find true love again.

I was really looking forward to having you as a friend if anything, but maybe that was a lie also.

My heart is broken and i can’t figure out how to mend it. It hurts so bad and is so painful, I don’t know how to make the pain go away.

I want to move on. Figure out how to live life without you. Not be depressed. Genuinely smile again. Be optimistic. Find happiness. See the beauty of life. I want to stop crying.

I’m sorry that I couldn’t make you happy without physically being there, for not giving you all that you wanted and more, for having imperfections, I’m sorry that you fell for me and that you figured out I wasn’t your soulmate.

I thought I knew you so well, but little did I know.

I gave you my heart and you promised to take care of it, yet you failed and let it waste away like it meant nothing.

My heart falls with every breathe I take, it ceases to beat the same as it used to, and there’s a hole I can’t seem to patch up.

Go ahead move on, date girls, and be with her but I hope that one day you’ll realize what a huge mistake you made..and that you lost the love of your life.

Fuck you, fuck your lies, fuck your promises, fuck everything I thought we had, fuck your new relationships, fuck everything about you, I guess I was to stupid to realize it, go fuck the shit out of yourself!

That I need to just leave it up to God, that it sucks not knowing what will happen but that all you can do is live one day at a time and eventually things will fall into place.

What a semester! By far the longest and most worst one ever. I never struggled so much in my classes, went through so many personal issues, and experienced so much pain & happiness all at the same time..But it’s over now, I can only hope that I passed these classes in hopes that I can graduate in the fall, but what’s done is done. I can’t believe its officially summer, that time of year where everyone goes on vacation, sleeps in, gets a job, goes to the beach, ‘falls in love’, gains 50 pounds, and has endless amounts of free time..where do you start?

Dear life,

Show me one hell of a time, show me that life does continue, show me happiness, remind me how wonderful this life we live in is, show me that anything is possible and that we can overcome anything, teach me how to love again, and how to open my heart, show me how to smile again, how to have fun, give me hope, give me faith to move forward but to not forget those whom I love close to my heart, tell me that everything will be ok.

Love,
Freida

salted pretzel caramel ice cream, yoo hoo’s, hawaiian bread & kraft cheese, corned beef, the beach, motorcycles, guns, dancing, birds, dogs, hot chocolate with lots of marshmallows, sunsets, picnics, olay body ribbons body wash, tickle wars, googling black tae bo guy, golden retrievers, watching tv, jeans with tennis shoes, grilled cheese, hiking, purple, vegas, jeeps, music, phil’s, rice & tapioca pudding, mahjong, egyptian war, fireplaces, beer, airplanes, helicopters, surprises, school, love songs, couples, kinect volley ball, sweet tea, smoothies, target, animals, dancing in the moonlight, christmas radio stations, watching previews, cheese, sandwiches, summer, cat naps, sleeping, facetime, skype, Irish pubs, benadryl, sleeping on the couch, hulu, tiffanys, apple products, caramel, toffee, greek yogurt, chick fil a, guava juice, crocheting, scrubs, floss, electric tooth brushes, soap, hotel keys, residence in marriot, waffles, strawberries, roses, jergens ultra healing lotion, nicholas sparks, zombies, doing nothing, green tea, blenders, honey, bees, deodorant, vons, orange gatorade, cds, sleeping in, churches, stained glass windows, Indian food, feeling full, rainbow sandals, rogybv, rei, bass pro, christmas trees, 80s music, candles, lanterns, peacocks, pepper spray, pictures, the zoo, onesies, victorias secret, giving blood, grocery stores, video games, npr, canned fruit, apple sauce, breakfast, bananas, sketchers, barnes & noble, pier one, the container store, guitar center, panera, the pride & the prejudice, boots, vests, hair gel, super cuts, happiness, dreams, love, life, and you..

I saw so many missed faces last night, people I haven’t seen in a few years, its so crazy how fast time flys.. I also saw unexpected faces, faces I thought I’d never see for a good while but you know, as much as I thought it would be awkward or uncomfortable it wasn’t, it was like old times and I’ve missed those days. I think I really needed to see everyone it was a breathe of fresh air and for once this week I felt at home. I never thought I’d say this but seeing that one person made me feel me feel sorry for him, it made me glad that I was done with that part of my life, and that it was truly his loss. I wanted to say to myself that I was so thankful to have you as my boyfriend now, but I paused a for a few seconds and realized I couldn’t. I couldn’t introduce you, tell everyone how amazing you are, talk about you with a smile, or show them how happy you’ve made me. Because I then realized that it wasn’t ‘we’ anymore but that there was you and there was me. I miss you.